Riding

So this friend of mine said we should go on rollercoaster rides in America- Los Angeles to be precise;
Because I have had bad experiences with them before

I had told myself I will never go on them again
Peer pressure got to me
So I got on it
It was tempting
It was by the beach after all
the scene was beautiful, it was in the evening-

Sunset, landscape were all working for my good
There were not that many people on the ride
I think they were 8-10 of us in total
The next maybe 5 minutes felt like an eternity
It was one of these canoe things that swings like a pendulum

The 1st swing went pheeeeew!!
and these kids (teenagers) went heeeeeee (they have not seen life, nothing to lose)
The next swing was not soooo bad
However, the swing started getting higher
and choi
Eyin peeps (people) I started cursing like no man's business

Now!!! It is important to point out that I am a proud and
I am not afraid to let anyone know 'child of God'
I still don't understand why my usually
"Jesus you are Lord" did not come out of my mouth
except
"F***ing hell""woo shit shit shit shit "stop this f***ing thing
and more profane words were pouring out of my sanctified mouth

I grabbed the side of the canoe
(which by the way are meant to be on water)
THAT should have given me a warning sign
As I continued with my rantings
the octave of my shouting went higher as the pendulum swung higher
My choir leader has tried in vain to get me to go octaves higher
when I am singing and I couldn't achieve it
Alas!! canoe swinging like a pendulum can do it

Did I mention that I had started to cry to my shame
In my defence,
I tot i was going to die in a canoe!!!
My friend tried in vain to cover my mouth and later
pretended not to know me because of the sheer embarrassment

So the ride stopped,
I was so relieved and I quickly got off
the small (dripping sarcasm) boy operating the ride
was laughing his head off as I came out of the dingy/canoe
A small crowd had gathered at the ride section

I was like, THANK GOD the ride IS OVER











Nope!!!!! ase ko ti tan (it was not finished)
Loro kan sha (in one word) The ride was stopped midway
because of my cursing and the noise I was making
and the crowd that had gathered were
Spectators to one of the most embarrassing moments in life.

I wanted the wind to blow me away,
the ground to open up and swallow me,
for me to be a chameleon and blend into the background
so people could not see me or
Rapture to just occur and people will be like i tot she was here...............

My only saving grace- I was a tourist and I have probably created an unforgettable memory for someone


Please share your embarrassing moments
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Jump 2

So I could not stop laughing
I was so high
I think i could have walked thru fire and not feel it
So I called my mother
To tell her what her rebel child has done

me: hello mum, I have just jumped out of the plane
Mum: I don die oh, ta ni mo se (who have I offended)
me: what are you talking about?
Mum: Was it one of your patients?
(I work with criminals that have mental health problems)
did they push you or were you going after them?
Me: I jumped willingly now and it was fun, I will call you later to explain

The next time I saw her, she actually banned me from doing what I have already done
She said I forbid you and I will curse you if you try it again
To help her with her anxiety, I gave her the video to watch
Big mistake
She nearly had a heart attack
SERIOUSLY
She watched it with her friends
They all started saying that I need special prayers
That maybe they have done juju to me from Naija

Choi!!!! I just parachute jump now
What if I tell all the other things I like to do
She will strap me to her house
or start sending people to me to come and pray for me
I remember one time like that
my mother was pestering me about when I will have kids
Because I told her my friend had just had a baby

mum: so when are we going to have ours
me: I don't know, as the Lord wills
mum: Be thinking about it oo
me: actually i hav tot about it
me: I am going to adopt a child
mum: God forbid!! why would you do that when u can hav yours?
me: I don't see anything wrong in it, I intend to adopt anyways
mum: oko mi (my beloved) please don't do that now
me: I am not married, u are talking of children
I tell you the woman must think I am not hers
unfortunately and fortunately we are carbon copies .

Oh I forgot...
when I told my sis about the jump,
she went into hysterics (typical)
she started shouting in her office (full of coporate staff)
"my sister just jumped"
i am sure they were thinking
why didn't u follow her
with all her shouting
You will think she is the one that jumped

WARNING: this is not for the faint hearted
and definitely not for the light headed
because it took me nearly 2 weeks to
get over the adrenline high
believe me it is addictive

I was walking around with this grin on my face
"I can do anything"
"If only you know what I had just done"


Read Jump

© ejatutu

Jump

Now I think about it, it was absolutely crazy
I used to work with some crazy peeps man
We all wanted to do Skydiving
It was talked about a lot
I had always wanted to do something outrageous
I decided to do it, paid the deposit
No turning back

I decided not to tell my mother as she will stop me
I told my younger bro and he played it down
I told my sis, she was hysterical so I lied that it was only a tot
I remember telling my pastor who categorically said
I am not going to pray for you cos black man is supposed to do things on land
we all laughed about it
Countdown to the day
I was very numb emotionally
I acted normally

Got to the pick up point
Many of my colleagues were shocked that I was going thru with it
I made sure I repented of all my horrible thoughts
If I am going to die, I want to be saying hello Daddy (GOD)
We arrived at our destination
Registration, introduction was fabulous and it was a breeze
I just started laughing and I couldn't stop
Like I had been given a happy dose of laughing gas
I got in my jump suit, the hat was hilarious

The plane started lifting after the runway
The ride was awful!!!
It was a bumpy ride and seriously I could not wait to get out
I will rather die flying myself
At least I will be in control
In spite of this
I was still laughing beyond belief
In retrospect, I think I was laughing at the way I had chosen to die

At 14, 000 feet at 12:05hrs, the plane stopped
Strapped to an instructor with my own camera man
My colleague had just jumped and he had 2 thumbs up weeeeeeeeeeee
I got to the edge of the plane door
we were above the clouds so I could not see the ground
My blackness, africanness returned
who sent me here?
Before I could change my mind
I jumped on the count of 3
It was as if an angel moved
Because it certainly wasn't me
With my eyes closed for a nanosecond
I am like damn!!, if I am going to die I might as well see it

Then we were flying
The rush was amazing
Freefalling at 180ml/sec
My heart felt like it was coming out of my mouth for the 1st 5 seconds
I was screaming
"that is wonderful" oh my God how I love you.........."
45 seconds felt like a nanosecond

Then the cord was pulled for the shute to come out
More screaming and laughing
I saw the beauiful clouds- formed rather well
If only i could touch it and put in a box
the speed reduced to 120ml/sec as the parachute came out
I felt like I was on top of the world
Still screaming and laughing saying a lot of nothings
I landed on my left knee unfortunately
I hd some scratches, it bled but I didn't feel the pain

I had done what I could only watch on TV
dream about or procastinate about
It was too amazing, adrenaline pumping, exhilirating rush
I was serioussly high for the next 2 weeks
Now I know why some people take drug continuously
So what's next I ask

'We should go Sky skiing
where you will be skiing in the sky literally
These people dey craze!!!!!!!

more coming in part 2

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